


The Things That Aren't Getting Said

by NorwegianPunkFan



Category: The Young and the Restless
Genre: Angst, F/F, Messa - Freeform, Teriah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 12:50:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18778630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorwegianPunkFan/pseuds/NorwegianPunkFan
Summary: Tessa's con is going beautifully, but falling in love with Mariah was never part of the plan. Should she stick to her goal or throw it all away for a chance at what she really wants? After moving in with Noah, Tessa's sleepless night leads her to difficult decision. And she has to start by saying the things that aren't getting said...





	The Things That Aren't Getting Said

**Author's Note:**

> There's a serious Teriah fanfic drought right now, so I thought I'd help you guys out. Haha. This is something I wrote months ago and abandoned, but I decided maybe it'd be worth posting after all. I’ve seen some people asking for fics about what was going on in Tessa’s mind during the con...so here you go! Remember that Tessa was in a different headspace at the time. She's done a lot of growing and changing since then, but I wanted to keep it accurate to her journey.
> 
> This is my take on what happened after Tessa moved in with Noah and couldn’t sleep. It’s set the night before the episode that aired 10/13/17 – the one where Tessa tries to talk to Mariah at GC Buzz and gets shut down. Tessa obviously changed her mind after Mariah pushed her away, but I do think she gathered her courage and planned to come clean about her feelings. Too bad they couldn't get on the same page at the same time, but it all worked out in the end.

Tessa was still wide awake next to Noah, who had fallen asleep 30 seconds after they “celebrated” moving in together on his lumpy bed. He snored like a dying Wookiee, but that wasn’t what kept her from dozing off. There was something – no, _someone_ – far more important on her mind. A certain someone who was putting her scheme in jeopardy.

No matter how hard she tried, Tessa just couldn’t get Mariah out of her head. She was haunted by the tears that filled Mariah’s eyes before she’d left the cottage. By the words hanging unspoken between them. By what Tessa wanted to say. What she needed to say. What she couldn’t say. _There’s something special here. We should be together. I love you._

She’d come too far to back out now – at least that’s what Tessa kept telling herself. She had a plan and it was going beautifully. Step one was dating Noah and step two came surprisingly fast. Tessa was genuinely taken aback when he asked her to move in with him. Naturally, she accepted. The sooner she got this over with, the better.

At this rate, maybe Tessa could get a ring by spring. She’d convince Noah that she just couldn’t wait, so of course, he’d defend a rushed wedding to Sharon and Nick. Tessa would cry about how he didn’t trust her if he suggested a prenup. Noah would back down, and they’d tie the knot. She figured she could probably lock all this in within a year. Add another year to drift apart, and she’d be done. It was perfect.

Except it wasn’t. The only thing perfect was the redhead Tessa accidentally fell in love with. The same redhead who happened to be the sister of the drooling doofus next to her.

_Ugh. I shouldn’t about be so negative about him. Noah’s sweet. So sweet. And he actually cares about me. I feel bad about breaking his heart, but is it really breaking if I make him fall out of love with me? He’ll be relieved when we split. Maybe we can even stay friends. We could all share a good laugh about it one day when I’m finally with Mariah._

With Mariah. Truly _with_ Mariah. That seemed like some distant, impossible dream. The idea of loving Mariah freely and openly, tearing down all these ridiculous walls. Tessa wanted to shout her love from the rooftops every time she was next to her. She knew Mariah had to be feeling what she was feeling. Tessa hoped so anyway.

But the truth was it didn’t matter – not when Tessa was stuck in this con nightmare. It was supposed to be simple and in the beginning, it was. Tessa certainly found Mariah attractive from the start, but she was able to plant her firmly in the friend zone thanks to Devon. Well, that and Mariah’s insistent matchmaking, which seemed both hilarious and tragic now.

Everything changed when Tessa saw how unfulfilled Mariah was in her relationship. It crushed her to think Mariah felt like she had to compete with Hilary of all people. Tessa vividly recalled the morning after Mariah had cried on her shoulder. Mariah was still so insecure and vulnerable, looking to Tessa for support on that cozy couch.

Tessa knew she shouldn’t, but she let her guard down. A glimmer of her real feelings broke through. Her con cracked, the warmth in her eyes and her gentle touch giving her away.

Tessa refused to let Mariah feel like a second choice. She was completely incredible and deserved to know it, so Tessa just told her. She did it without even thinking and before she knew it, she was stroking Mariah’s hair and stealing a glance at her lips. In hindsight, it felt like both a mistake and the only thing Tessa had done right.

But then Tessa couldn’t bring herself to look away. She didn’t expect the spark between them to be that strong. Tessa guessed they might’ve kissed without Noah and Devon’s knock at the door. She couldn’t be sure since Mariah looked so rattled, but she knew something pivotal happened that day.

From that moment on, Tessa felt the shift. There was no turning back. Mariah’s eyes burned a hole in her skull every time she made out with Noah, which happened way too often. Tessa wondered if Mariah could tell she didn’t like it. That it was all an act. Tessa always closed her eyes and tried to imagine her lips were pressed against Mariah’s instead, but it never worked. Noah’s five o’clock shadow and nasty cologne were massive fantasy killers.

But Tessa was used to pretending. She knew how to sell it. She could make Noah believe he was the ultimate prize when all she wanted to do was profess her undying love to his sister. If it was indeed love… Tessa figured it had to be. She knew she felt all warm and tingly and everything else she thought she should feel when she was with Mariah. With Noah, she felt nothing at all.

It’s not that Tessa hated Noah. He was thoughtful and even charming at times. And he wasn’t bad looking, though he didn’t really float Tessa’s boat. Tessa could see herself settling for a guy like Noah, even without the con. They could buy a boring house, have some boring kids, groom them for boring jobs at boring Newman Enterprises until they grew old together and died…of boredom.

Tessa had never been so bored in her entire life. Seriously, how could this man be so boring? The one and only interesting thing about Noah was that he was related to Mariah. Tessa constantly caught herself asking too many questions about her or sharing too many Mariah-related stories of her own. Like a couple weeks ago when they had dinner at the club…

\---------------

“And then Mariah just tells the guy off, right in front of the movie ticket booth. I think he has a newfound respect for comic book franchises,” Tessa said with a laugh.

“So you guys went to the movies yesterday?” Noah looked down at his plate and scooted his fork to the other side awkwardly.

“Yeah, we had a girls’ night. Why?”

“No reason. Just wondering.”

“Does it bother you that I’m friends with your sister?” Tessa tried to fight it, but agitation was already bubbling up in her voice. She was highly sensitive when it came to Mariah.

“Of course not. I’m glad you guys get along. It’s just…I feel like we don’t get a lot of ‘us’ time.”

“What do you call this?” Tessa gestured between them, flashing a fake smile.

“When was the last time we went to the movies together?”

Tessa thought for a few seconds, her eyes searching the ceiling. “Uhhhhh…”

“Exactly. And you’ve been with Mariah like…what? Four times this month?”

It was five, but Tessa wasn’t going to correct him. “If you want to go to the movies, we can go to the movies,” she snapped. “Geez, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“I’m just saying I’d like to spend more time with you.”

Tessa knew she should leave it alone. The con was working and that’s what she wanted. More time with Noah was a good thing. But Tessa Porter was Tessa Porter and she just couldn’t help herself – not when Mariah was at the center of the conversation.

“Oh, I see. It’s obviously all about YOU and what YOU want, so I’ll just stop hanging out with my best friend. I am SO SORRY to have bruised your ego.” Tessa gave Noah an eyeroll and took a sip from her wine glass. 

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“Well, then enlighten me on how much time with Mariah is too much time with Mariah. I really think I should be aware of my daily Mariah allotment.”

“Hey, come on. Don’t act like I’m setting some kind of limit. I just want to spend more time together. That’s it.” Noah could sense that this was turning into a huge fight, so he tried unsuccessfully to ease the tension. “Sometimes it feels like you’re dating Mariah instead of me,” he said with a chuckle. It was a bad call.

“Maybe I should be,” Tessa fired back as she got up and threw her napkin on the table. “She wouldn’t be such an ass.” Tessa snatched up her purse, pulled out a $20 and hurled it in Noah’s direction. “For dinner. I wouldn’t want to put you out.”

“Tessa, wait—”

“I’m going home. Don’t worry, I’ll go straight to my room. A Mariah-free space. Can’t have me breaking your strict no-friendship policy.”

“Tessa!” Noah rubbed his hand across his face in frustration as she stormed out.

\---------------

Tessa kept her promise to head straight to her room that night because she knew Noah was right. He was still an ass, but he was right. She was hanging out with Mariah 24/7 and that was no way to pull off a con for Newman money.

This move-in with Noah was necessary, even if it wasn’t what she truly wanted. Tessa loved all those weeks living just down the hall from Mariah. She was _so happy_ knowing she’d wake up every morning and Mariah would be there. They grew closer every day, every hour, every minute, every second… She’d never felt so close to anyone before.

Tessa would sometimes make a little extra noise when she opened the door, hoping Mariah was still up and might want to talk. Maybe a jangle of her keys or a thud of her guitar case. Just enough to get Mariah to peek out of her bedroom when she went upstairs. She was coming home from dull dates with Mariah’s own brother, so she knew how messed up it was for his sister to be the best part of the night.

Tessa managed to repair the derailed dinner damage with Noah by fibbing that it was her time of the month. The poor smitten sucker actually sent her flowers and treated her to a spa day. Sometimes Tessa was amazed by just how easy it was to fool him.

She was definitely reeling Noah in and that’s why it was crucial to pull back from Mariah, at least a bit. It was the one part of Tessa’s plan that was tripping her up. Then again, falling in love with Mariah was never part of the plan.

Monopolizing Mariah’s time wasn’t exactly fair to her either. Tessa wasn’t blind. She played dumb most of the time, but she could tell Mariah wanted her – unless she was projecting. Tessa sometimes feared that, too. That it was all in her head, and she was just seeing what she wanted to see. That Mariah was a friend and nothing more.

But somewhere deep, deep inside…Tessa just knew. They were destined for something spectacular. If they could both just open their hearts fully, they could have it. They already had a deeper connection than either of them had ever known. They just had to make the leap.

Mariah had taken a baby step when she tried to stop her from moving out. Tessa had pushed Mariah away, but maybe there was still a chance. Maybe she could have a life where she didn’t have to pretend. Maybe she could have true happiness. Maybe Mariah wanted this just as much. There were just _so many_ maybes – too many for Tessa’s taste, and that was part of the problem.

Tessa tossed and turned in bed until Chewbacca started to stir. She didn’t want to wake him. Noah would just try to cuddle, and Tessa couldn’t handle that. Not tonight. Not when Mariah was weighing so heavily on her mind.

Tessa got up, wrapped herself in a blanket and walked into the living room, dragging the fringe as she went. She found a spot at the corner of the sofa and curled up deep in thought.

As Tessa gazed around Noah’s apartment, she couldn’t help but imagine what it’d be like to have her own place with Mariah. She figured it wouldn’t be this big. Even some cute little shoebox would be fine as long as she was living with the woman she loved. It’d be adorable. Nothing fancy, but it’d be theirs.

She grabbed her phone and began scrolling through a plethora of Mariah pics. _How can she be so beautiful? Oh, I love that one…and that one…and that one. I love all of them. I love…her._

“Hey,” a sleepy voice called out as its owner shuffled over in slippers. Noah leaned on the back of the couch and took note of what Tessa was looking at on her phone. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Couldn’t sleep. Guess I have to get used to your place.”

“You miss Mariah?”

“And Sharon and Faith,” Tessa said far too quickly. “But I’m glad I’m here. With you.” Tessa gave Noah a quick kiss to seal the lie.

“You sure?”

“Yeah! Yeah, definitely. I’ve just been battling some insomnia lately.” Another lie, but what’s one more when she’s already told thousands? Tessa usually slept like a log when she knew Mariah was nearby.

“Can I get you something warm to drink? Or I might have something that’ll help in the medicine cabinet…”

“No, it’s fine,” Tessa said, pretending to yawn. “I actually think I’m ready to drift off.”

The pair returned to bed, where Tessa feigned sleep almost instantly. Once she was sure Noah was out like a light again, Tessa couldn’t hold her emotions in anymore. A tear slowly rolled down her cheek. Then another. And another. Tessa leaned into her pillow to muffle the sobs that came next. She wasn’t even sure why she was crying since this was her own fault. If she could just let go of her stupid plan…

Tessa couldn’t deny that she wanted the money. She needed to provide security for both herself and Crystal. To give them a life without fear and get rid of the crippling anxiety she'd battled for as long as she could remember. But every fiber of her being also wanted Mariah, the girl who couldn’t provide that security. And this went beyond bank accounts. Tessa didn't have to wonder where things were headed with Noah. She was in control of the outcome. She wouldn't be opening her heart up, which is something she'd never even thought about doing until now.

Tessa knew she was the first woman Mariah had ever been attracted to, and it clearly rocked Mariah to the core when she realized it. Mariah had totally freaked out after that kiss in San Francisco. If Mariah had been a little more chill about the whole thing, Tessa might’ve dropped the con right then and there. But Mariah was a mess and Tessa didn’t know what to do with that, so in the vault it went. At least that’s where Tessa lied about putting it.

In reality, she thought about their kiss all the time. Tessa replayed it in her head daily and wanted to do it again just as often. It wasn’t just a kiss; it was a revelation. She had committed that electricity to memory. Even now, Tessa felt such a strong pull to those soft lips miles away at the cottage. Tessa wondered if she could have them again. If they could be hers and hers alone. If she could have even more…

That night in Noah’s bed, Tessa reached a difficult decision. Tomorrow, she would go to Mariah and push for honesty – the truth about their feelings for each other. They’d lay all their cards on the table. They’d say the things that weren’t getting said. If Mariah felt the same, that would be that. She’d break up with Noah, con be damned.

Tessa was hopelessly, irrevocably in love with Mariah Copeland, and she wasn’t going to let half a Newman fortune stand in her way.


End file.
